The keys to managing conflict at work part 1
How well do you deal with workplace conflict? For some people, just the word conflict is a stomach-turner that makes them want to withdraw immediately. Others may feel energized by it.
I ask you this question because the subject of conflict has come up recently with different clients I’ve been working with.
So why does workplace conflict matter? Left unresolved, it can lead to frustration, anger, anxiety and emotional stress.
No wonder that leads to lost productivity and missed deadlines. And that can be costly.
According to a recent study, $359 billion in staff hours is lost annually due to unresolved workplace conflict.
Not to mention the cost of losing talented employees who eventually flee an untenable situation.
The conflict continuum
Workplace conflict can range from low to high intensity and everything in between.
Some organizations or teams will have false harmony and refrain from conflict. It usually starts with the leader who pretends everything’s fine. Then, on the other end of the spectrum, you get ugly, mean-spirited attacks and anger that go unchecked. And somewhere in the middle, there’s this healthy conflict. This is what you want.
Good conflict
Healthy conflict is critical for teams and organizations to operate at the highest level. It activates things like:
Earlier problem identification
Better problem-solving
Healthy relationships, morale and commitment
Improved productivity
Personal growth and insight
Most leaders and teams prefer to avoid conflict. It’s easier, right? But conflict is a critical ingredient for growth and success. If there’s no conflict, we don’t have a different opinion. Respectful debate can spark better ideas, creative solutions, and new and more efficient ways of doing things.
Our relationships with conflict
We all have different hardwiring around conflict. Understanding your conflict profile can help you start using work discussions and debates more constructively.
Your relationship with conflict started as a child. What was accepted or avoided in your home? Did people debate? Were you allowed to disagree with your parents? And when the conflict escalated, did people raise their voices?
Suppose you were an only child. Dinnertime was quiet, orderly conversation with your parents about what happened at school or work or the headline news of the day, with no raised voices or debates. In that case, you will react much differently to a conflict situation than a colleague who was the second youngest in a big family and grew up with lively dinner table dialogue.
That’s just in your home environment. Where you grew up is also a factor. I’ve worked with people raised in conflict-torn countries who revel a hotly debated topic.
Your past professional experiences will also shape your feelings about conflict. Were you on teams? Did you have managers who encouraged competition? Or was it shut down?
We all bring a different relationship to conflict to the boardroom or Zoom meeting. It’s up to the team leaders to ensure conflict takes on healthy forms in the workplace and acknowledge each employee’s different comfort levels while embracing lively debates. Make sure everyone gets a voice.
Unhealthy conflict
What’s the difference between healthy conflict and conflict? Here are some things to look for. It feels healthy when it’s about the issue, and the attacks don’t become personal when things don’t get too heated. On the other hand, it’s not healthy if someone is trying to drive their agenda and not seeing the perspective of another or if the behaviour becomes abusive or disrespectful.
If things get too heated, leaders need to step in and get the debate back on track, focused on business-related issues or problems, not personalities or egos
You need trust
For us to engage in healthy conflict, there needs to be trust. If you don’t trust that you can be open with your team and trust how they’ll react, then you will probably be less likely to share.
If you want to read more about Trust
What’s the cost of people avoiding conflict? They’re avoiding something that either isn’t right or doesn’t feel right to them. And because of discomfort, fear, or something else, they’re not expressing their feelings. So that issue doesn’t go away. It only festers and sours relationships.
How to use conflict productively
What can we do as individuals as a team to use conflict productively? In next month’s newsletter, I’ll give you some tips and examples for engaging in healthy conflict. Hint: It’s about seeing the other person’s perspective and genuinely listening.