Helping a team member who is struggling

Right now, there isn’t a client I’m working with who isn’t facing some issue related to mental or emotional struggles at home or work. 

It could be marital issues, substance abuse, kids and school, anxiety about being back in the office or something else.

So, what should managers do if they sense a team member is struggling? 

Well, if you are familiar with the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator – a questionnaire used to identify a person’s personality type – some managers are more logic-based, and some managers act more from the heart. 

The “thinkers” vs. “feelers.”

I recall speaking to a group of thinker-type managers and asking: If you see a distraught-looking employee approaching your office, what’s your first instinct?

Closing the door was a standard answer. 

On the other hand, feeler-type managers would ask what was going on and how they could help. 

Of course, there are not only two managerial archetypes, and this isn’t a Myers-Briggs test.

Understanding yourself and recognizing your own default reactions to these situations is a good place to start. The most important thing is to keep your door open.

I believe every leader has the responsibility to notice and take action if they know someone is dealing with a problem. 

What´s stopping you?

Many leaders I’ve coached avoid getting involved because they are afraid. I might make things worse; I’m not a counsellor, I’m not an HR professional. Some have the old-school (and outdated) mentality that this is work, and you leave your personal stuff at home. 

Others feel that if they take it on an employee’s problem, they have to solve it. 

These are some common barriers. But you don’t have to have all the answers to help.

As a manager, you can ask a simple question. How are you doing? No, really, how are you doing? Remember that you may be the only person asking them this question. 

Let them know you are there for them. 

You don’t have to know the Employee Assistance Program chapter and verse, but make sure you know what programs are available and arrange a meeting between the employee and HR if possible. 

Building a culture of trust

If I’m a manager and don’t know about your family, interests and passions, it’s hard to know when you’re not feeling right. Plus, you’re not going to be as comfortable opening up to me. So, it’s essential to build trusting relationships with your teams and within your organization. 

One positive result of the pandemic is that we’ve all been able to share a more personal side of ourselves with our colleagues. We’ve been in Zoom meetings at home without suits and ties, with cameos from toddlers, spouses and pets. We’ve talked about life outside the office and shared our triumphs and struggles more openly. 

We can build on this. You don’t need to share every detail of your personal life with your work. It is about building relationships and trust. As I’ve mentioned in previous newsletters, it starts at the top. Leaders need to start by sharing their vulnerabilities first and let their teams follow. Show, don’t tell. 

Performance impacts

For the leaders who still believe that personal issues should stay secret, just Google: How well do you perform your job when struggling personally? 

If a team member is grappling with something mentally and emotionally that occupies their thoughts, time, and energy; it will impact their decision-making, focus, and energy level. 

So, there is a business case for this. It is linked to performance. If one employee is struggling, the chances of not doing well at their job will impact two or three or five other people in their roles.