Why leaders need to show their vulnerability

It wasn’t that long ago that the hallmarks of a strong leader were never to let them see you sweat, always have the answers and never show vulnerability.

Fortunately, times have changed. A business coach colleague of mine, Jason, recently reached out to talk about vulnerability and leadership. That got me thinking more about leaders openly sharing the challenges they are facing with their teams. 

Fifteen years ago, we weren’t discussing vulnerability as a leadership skill. Now, every company and executive I work with in every kind of industry sees it as a critical area for leadership growth.

Brené Brown, a Texas researcher turned author and speaker, helped popularize the power of vulnerability in leadership. 

She describes vulnerability as uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure. But vulnerability is not weakness. On the contrary, it’s our most accurate measure of courage. So, the question becomes, are we willing to create courageous spaces so we can be seen? 

The strength of being seen 

It’s OK if you are struggling, or don’t know the answer, or you need some advice or ideas from others.

You come across as stronger and more authentic when you show vulnerability. But before you can do this, you need self-awareness, courage and confidence.

I’ve experienced this over and over again in my career as a coach and a speaker. My confidence is part of what draws people to keynotes or one-on-ones. But it’s when I open up and share a challenge or fear that people really respond. 

Some leaders wear a mask of invincibility, as one of my colleagues aptly described, because they want to project power and competence. But without vulnerability, it comes across as disingenuous because we know everyone has weaknesses and everyone faces struggles.

Demonstrating vulnerability as a leader will inspire and empower your team. First, you are building trust by being honest about openly sharing your challenges. Secondly, when a leader is vulnerable, it allows other team members to be vulnerable and normalizes it as part of the company’s culture.

Don’t fake it

One of my pet peeves is leaders who use vulnerability as a trick or technique. 

When somebody says, “I am being really vulnerable here” it takes away from the true essence of vulnerability. I don’t want leaders looking to get a gold star from their employees because they’re being vulnerable. 

That does the opposite of building trust. That’s where self-awareness comes in. Check in with yourself first. Why are you sharing it? Will it benefit the people around you?

Over-sharing alert 

Some leaders think that if a bit of vulnerability is good, I will tell everyone everything. But the truth is, there can be too much vulnerability. 

It’s OK to acknowledge something's going on either at home or work that may be affecting your focus or causing you stress or anxiety, but you don't need to share the nitty-gritty details.

Be mindful of boundaries for you and your team, and ensure you’re not oversharing to get sympathy or attention or make excuses. 

If you have people you trust on your team, ask them how what you shared resonated with them. For example, they might say that helped me a lot because I’m going through something similar, and you helped normalize it. Or they may say it made some people uncomfortable, so you may need to recalibrate. 

Lessons at home 

One of the best lessons about vulnerability that I’ve learned is as a parent. I’ve always been a loving and involved father, but when my kids were younger, I never admitted that I messed up or didn’t know the answer. 

Around five years ago, I started acknowledging my mistakes and fears and admitting not knowing how to do something. This has had a tremendously positive impact on my relationships with my children, and that same dynamic also translates to the workplace.