Embracing Self-Acceptance

As someone who likes to evolve and improve aspects of my life continually and professionally coaches others to grow and become a better version of themselves, I get the power of setting goals for the new year.

But there’s an essential aspect around personal growth that, in my opinion, is under-discussed: It’s this idea of self-acceptance while striving for your goals.

Accepting who and where you are right now

Self-improvement is a great mindset. But on its own, it can hurt our self-esteem and physical and mental well-being. While we are laser-focused and committed to trying to grow, change, and learn, we must also make room for self-acceptance of all our personality and character traits – the positive and negative ones.

We all have mental checklists of what better looks like. You tell yourself that you should be going to bed earlier, that you should be getting up earlier, that you should be drinking more water, that you should be exercising, that you should be reading more, that you should be getting cold exposure—all these “shoulds.” 

And so, what happens when we’re not doing one of those things or all those things? Now, we feel like we’re somehow failing and can get to a place where we start judging ourselves. 

We need more practice at accepting where you are right now. This is where I am today, and it’s OK. 

Fist bumps and high-fives

Here’s something to add to your list this year: Don’t forget to celebrate your big or small wins along the road to reaching your goals. If you did one thing differently or did 20% of what you wanted to accomplish, at least you have momentum moving in the right direction. Celebrate that!

Of course, there will be slip-ups and mistakes. Learn from them and use them as fuel. I didn’t get it all this week, but that’s fine. There’s learning that comes with that that will help you improve habits or behaviour next time.

Accomplishment goals usually require incremental steps, which you need to break down. For example, what must I accomplish in the first quarter to reach that goal? 

Enjoy the now

It is important to practise mindfulness and being in the here and now – wherever that happens to be and not looking forward or back. 

One of the keys to self-acceptance is accepting personal shortcomings without judgment. 

Here are some other characteristics of self-acceptance:

• Being able to see yourself fairly and accurately, recognizing what you’re good at and not good at, and embracing all the parts of yourself, even the negative ones. 

• Knowing that nobody is perfect and we’re always going to be imperfect. 

• Recognizing your strengths and accomplishments without being vain or egotistical about them. Yes, they are natural gifts and strengths you appreciate, but you don’t highlight or depend on them too much. 

• Acknowledging and learning about your weaknesses and shortcomings without beating yourself up or engaging in negative self-talk.

•  Not worrying about how others think of you. Having a positive attitude towards yourself and holding yourself in high regard without needing others to improve you. 

• Seeing and appreciating yourself as a whole human rather than defining yourself by your job, body, looks, financial situation, or family. 

Why self-acceptance matters 

It’s important to understand that if we don’t have self-acceptance, it can create this kind of internal disconnectedness, where in your subconscious, you are having feelings of anger, disappointment or shame. 

This is all happening beneath the surface, so you have to pay close attention. Even though you may have added three or four new habits that we consider positive or healthy, you still may end up dissatisfied and worry that you’re not doing enough if you haven’t been able to cross off everything on your list. 

That anxiety releases cortisol, which is a stress hormone. And we know those stress hormones cycling through our body aren’t good for us. They’re not good for our emotional and mental well-being. They’re not good for our physical well-being. So, try to stop stressing.

A lesson from the hardcourt 

Having a list of things we’re trying to improve is good. But we must remember to balance that with the awareness that improvement takes time.

I learned this lesson from my son. In high school, basketball became his sports focus, so we enrolled him in a sports academy to help hone his game.

So, he was getting extra training, and his skills were improving. Still, I expected this would immediately translate into playing games at a higher level. 

I remember asking him why he wasn’t taking more risks on the court after all his training and outplaying his opposition, who weren’t as committed to the sport as he was. He looked at me and said, Dad, this is just where I am right now. 

It hit me. He was 16 and able to accept where he was at in his journey. Sure, he was improving, but he didn’t have the confidence or higher-level skills yet to play a dominant game. It was a good lesson for me.